I have wanted to start my own blog for a while now, and I definitely had a lot of ideas lined up to talk about, but as per the norm of every “perfectionist”, I kept waiting – for the right time, right sequence of ideas, right clarity of thought, and all other completely but ultimately fruitless excuses.

Then, 3 days ago, it hit me. I need to move myself – both figuratively, and literally. So, at 2 a.m., I decided to start working out – yes, completely insane, but hear me out. I kept waiting for a lot of things to work out and be in sync to start – for instance, sleep at 9:30 p.m. and wake up at 5 a.m. and then go to the gym, and then come back and start my day and get all those tasks done. In attempting to do this, not only did I fail to sleep at night (and oh so spectacularly did I fail – slept at 5 everyday), but in convincing myself that I will start when I wake up on time, I also managed to lose about 3 weeks of my life, which I won’t get back.

Losing Time

Now I know what most of you must be thinking. “3 weeks doesn’t sound so bad, this guy’s insane.” And you would be right, but only partly. I am insane. All my life, I’ve been an overachiever. The nerd who gets the summer homework done in the first week, the athlete who works harder than everyone else and trains all year, the coder who spent 15 hours coding everyday to get the hang of things, and the list goes on. So, doing things to an extreme is something I’m used to, and consistently doing things is also something I’m used to. But there always was an end goal. A medal. Grades. Something tangible, something achievable.

Now, I’m 24, skilled but unemployed, with good grades and degrees from strong universities. And I realised during these 3 weeks, that the reason I couldn’t get the ball rolling, on anything, was because I had no purpose. And mind you, I’m still quite purposeless, I have no idea what I’m doing or where I see myself in a year or what the hell it is that I want to do in life. And I’m not going to try to figure this out by thinking it out, because that’s the ultimate trap.

The Impact of Actions

“Clarity comes from action, ANY action.”

So I decided, let the time be whatever it may be, 2 a.m. or 5 a.m., I am going to just do things. And so I decided that for the next month, I will just put myself in constant discomfort – I will attempt to build things with code that I have not done before, I will push myself in fitness everyday, I will attempt new openings in chess that I have no clue about, or anything that I found myself too “tired” or “bored” to do.

In essence, I will do something everyday. And doing these over the last 3 days, despite the glaring problem of having a very messed up sleep pattern, I have realised that I actually am more confident and more sure that I will make something of myself, because I rediscovered what I’m really, really good at – not quitting. Just showing up every single day.

Growing Pains

In doing this just for 3 days, I also discovered that growing pains just don’t ever end.

Remember the times when you were a kid, and your legs and arms would hurt anytime you tried a new sport, or anytime you tried to do something new it would be embarrassing and you’d feel as if the entire world was laughing at you? Turns out, these things don’t really go away as adults. We still feel the same way, still have growing pains, just on a different scale and in different areas of life and in millions of different ways.

So I’m starting this blog, partly to track my journey through these growing pains, and also partly to share all of what I’ve read so far.
I also hope and encourage you to share your ideas and stories with me, it might just inspire me to do a bit better next time!

Here’s wishing luck to me, and everyone reading this, on your growing pains, may we all come out the other side stronger.